Hey Leader,
“If I tone down my personality, I think they’ll take me more seriously.”
She said her team wasn’t following through, and she thought maybe it was her. Specifically? Her personality.
(She swears. She’s warm. She’s supportive.)
She thought maybe she was too friendly to hold the line.
And I get it, when I was a Director, I wondered the same thing.
I worried that being empathetic (my default mode) made me seem too soft. But here’s what I learned (and shared with her):
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind.
Your team doesn’t need nice.
They need your kindness with clarity.
The issue usually isn’t our personality.
It’s our behavior.
This leader’s team wasn’t dropping balls because she was too warm. They were dropping balls because she:
Didn’t hold them accountable
Did the work herself because “it’s faster”
Solved fires the second they popped up
With every fix, she reinforced the idea that she’d always catch it, fix it, solve it. Aka… they didn’t have to!
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your personality is the issue (whether being kind, warm, or your authentic self at work is the problem), I want to stop you right there.
You don’t have to dim your light to be taken seriously.
You can swear, be kind, & still hold the line.
You can be your authentic self and build a team that takes real ownership.
Lead boldly, live fully, & don’t forget to breathe.
In your corner,
P.S. I’m headed to Fast Company’s Innovation Festival in NY next week! If you’re going, lmk!
Scroll-Stoppers
This week’s most valuable scroll-worthy stuff, from tools to truth bombs!
The stuff that felt counterproductive? It’s what saved me and helped me lead like a real exec. If it feels counterproductive, you might be on the right track.
Stuck in a work-eat-sleep-repeat loop? This list of hobbies might be the gentle nudge you need.
Women are redefining leadership by setting boundaries. This article explains how prioritizing clarity, not burnout, is becoming the new benchmark for sustainable leadership.
Try This Today
Quick experiments for calmer inboxes, lighter loads, and more human leadership.
Catch your “rescue reflex.”
Next time you hear, “Hey, quick question…” pause. Ask: Is this something they can figure out? If yes, coach, don’t catch, solve, or fix for them.Say: “I’m not here to solve this, I’m here to support you solving it.”
Or say, “You’re closer to this & I trust you, what do you think?” These phrases changed everything for me. They shifted the energy and the expectation.Trade “being liked” for “being clear” & “being a great leader.”
People might not always like clear boundaries in the moment. But they will trust you—and grow with you—because of them.
My team used to say, “I had a coaching face,” when they knew I’d turn their question around and ask them. At first, they found it uncomfortable, but then they grew to love it because it helped them level up fast.
Your Power Reframe
Because what you believe shapes how you live & lead.
Nice avoids. Kind leads.
Being “nice” says yes to everything, or sweeping things under the rug. Being kind means telling the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Kindness isn’t weakness. It’s accountability with empathy.
When I finally let go of being nice, I became a better Director (& then Managing Director!).
My team didn’t fall apart; they stepped up.
This Sparked Something
Little joys, leadership sparks, & random things we’re loving this week!
On my mind: This Microsoft Director used to do Yoga in secret. ~Alli
Joy move of the week: I went beach camping with friends (pro tip: always bring a vacuum!) and was shocked to learn Alli has never camped on a beach. ~Pau
Anticipation on overdrive: I’m a sucker for Fall & the start of the holidays! And yes, I just got myself a new pumpkin blanket to rein in the season! ~Alli
Book I can't stop thinking about: 10x Is Easier Than 2X by Dan Sullivan & Dr. Benjamin Hardy ~Alli