Hey Leader,
Early in my career, I worked somewhere with “blackout dates.”
For those unfamiliar, a blackout date is when no one can take PTO for any reason.
We hired someone whose wedding landed in the middle of one, and her boss questioned whether she should be “allowed” to take the time off.
I still remember sitting there thinking, are you kidding me?!?!?!?!?
I was the most junior person in the room, no authority at all, and yet… I couldn’t stay quiet. Because if your policy forces someone to choose between their job and their life, something is broken.
That moment stuck with me.
So did another one, when a rockstar candidate was removed from the candidate pool because she had tattoos. I was told, “We can’t hire someone with sleeve tattoos because we work with execs.” 🫥
Again, my thought was – WTF?! Haven’t we moved past tattoos = unprofessional and your work = your life?
These kinds of moments are exactly what create hide-your-life cultures where people:
Rename a break as a “doctor appointment” so it sounds more acceptable
Keep a mouse jiggler on so it looks like they never step away
Apologize for having an actual life outside their job
Eat lunch at their desk so they don’t look “less committed”
Those experiences became the foundation of a lesson I carry now more than ever: you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself to build a successful career.
And leaders should never ask you to.
Lead boldly, live fully, & don’t forget to breathe.
In your corner,
Scroll-Stoppers
This week’s most valuable scroll-worthy stuff, from tools to truth bombs!
Japan’s new Prime Minister says she gets by on 2 to 4 hours of sleep, and that’s raising red flags about where we’re headed with “always on” leadership. Yikes!!
A four-year analysis found that the teams with the most sustainable output weren’t the ones working more hours, but the ones with fewer pointless meetings.
It's a list of things that exposed how fast women get side-eyed for having an actual life outside the job.
The Reset Lab
If you’ve been feeling stretched thin or stuck in “always on” mode, you don’t have to wait for the New Year to make change.
So many women leaders have told me they feel stretched thin and stuck in “always on” mode, especially in Q4.
Everyone's waiting for January to "start fresh." Meanwhile, the women I work with are getting ahead NOW.
A VP stopped checking Slack at 5 am
Another got VP-level done work by 9:30 am
A Sr. Director started unplugging from work at 5 pm
Another handed off the OKR planning to her team
They're not waiting for the New Year to "give them permission." And you don’t have to either.
The Reset Lab starts Tuesday, 11/25:
A 1-month intensive I've never offered before
5 women leaders
For managers through the C-suite who are done drowning
Investment: $497
While everyone else survives Nov + Dec, you'll rebuild how you work.
While you’re buying gifts for everyone else this season, gift yourself this reset + a community of women who get it.
Let's get you breathing again.
Want in? Hit “reply” and let me know.
Try This Today
What’s one move you can make this week to stop feeding a hide-your-life culture?
Model being a human for your team & peers.
This week, put one real‑life thing on your calendar in plain sight: therapy, your kid’s event, or a mid‑day walk. When you make your life visible, you give everyone around you permission to do the same.
Revisit one rule or expectation you follow without thinking.
Every org has unspoken rules that quietly drain you. Take 5 minutes to spot one you’ve been following on autopilot. Ask yourself: Is this serving me or just keeping me in old patterns? If it’s the latter, you get to rewrite it.
Silence one notification that keeps you in reactive mode.
There’s always one app that pulls you back into work the second it pings. I turn off that notification right now. Create a little breathing room between you and the constant “jump now” pressure.
Your Power Reframe
Because what you believe shapes how you live & lead.
This Sparked Something
Little joys, leadership sparks, & random things we’re loving this week!
Friendsgiving plot twist: We planned it for weeks, then my husband, TJ, realized he was out of town that weekend. So I hosted solo. Thank God for friends who step in. We laughed about it all night 😂 ~Alli
What I’m loving this week: I’ve been deep into a book about Wabi Sabi, the Japanese idea of finding beauty in the imperfect. I have loved this concept for years, and it is hitting in all the right ways this week. ~Pau
A habit that keeps me sane: Even when I was a director and managing director, I kept all work notifications off on my phone and laptop. No Slack. No email alerts. I check when I choose to, not when my devices tell me to. ~Alli